Merry Christmas from Morocco!

Merry Christmas everyone! I wish I could be home in Kentucky with the rest of the Beach Clan (inside joke that anyone in Somerset who reads the Commonwealth Journal should get), sipping hot chocolate by the fire, cuddled up with my whole family, staring out the windows at the lake and snow (if there is any), wrapping presents, buying stocking stuffers, coming up with some infeasible menu to help cook on Christmas day, sitting around the table with candlelights, eating some of Mom's delicious turkey or Dad's exotic eggs for Christmas morning breakfast, begging anyone to help me find decorations for the Christmas tree and getting lost in the twinkling Christmas lights after everyone's gone to bed, ahh.. that all sounds so far away right now.

I'm sitting in an internet cafe in Ourzazate today, the temp is mid-forties, cloudy, muddy and cold .. it's hard to imagine that tomorrow is Christmas here, as no one celebrates the holiday in this Muslim culture. I think that helps.. reduces sentimental thoughts. I just saw my first inkling that Christmas is tomorrow.. a Santa in a restaurant window. I almost squealed I was so excited. Christmas is real! Dear me..

I'm really frustrated I haven't been able to blog or email more and feel like there are so many friends and family members with which I haven't been able to keep up a regular correspondence. There is a rumor that Jan. 1 we might have DSL internet so that in period of two hours I could do more than read two emails and attempt to reply to one. I hope so!

This past week was a hard one. I went from very low to high to low again in seven days. I initially was very exhuasted by the culture, and lots of little things were getting to me.. like always worrying that people are watching my every move, such as freaking out when I forgot and accidentally hugged my site mate, Antoine in the street, or pushing myself to speak Arabic non-stop. By Sunday I was retreating... I had planned to hike Kisane again but I was so exhausted. Antoine and I still went, meeting two girls from here that wanted to join.. I didn't want to not go because it is so rare that you get a girl to do something so adventurous as hike a mountain, that I didn't want to spoil the opportunity. But as we went along, I lost the little trail among the stones and stared up at the peak, didn't feel like tackling it, sat down on the lone big rock on the hillside and we just munched on peanuts, drank coke and talked for hours. It was quite refreshing.

This week, feeling empowered again, my mind begain racing with a million ideas for the community. I think and read late into the night most evenings whether I want to or not. As a Small Business Development volunteer I have both more freedom to develop my own projects while facing the pressure to learn the language quicker so I can be more effective and actually understand all the components and needs of my community. I've pushed myself to meet as many people as I can: families, store owners, NGO and assoc. directors, the members and going-ons at my assigned association for development, sat in on many meetings that planned to start anything from Art/Theater clubs for children, a preschool, computer classes, etc. throughout the community. Usually I understand very, very little, but sit, intently listening for 2-3 hours (Moroccans have lots of patience.. they will talk through an idea for hours with little sign of weariness) until my brain feels like its trying to explode. One of my last meetings at my association, I asked one guy another guy's name that I had forgotten (there are probably twenty people associated with running the assoc. and they all expect me to know their names from one introduction, on top of trying to comprehend everything that is going on..).. he looked at me and frowned: "you need to try to remember our names." I wanted to punch him. I know he didn't mean to be rude, and he doesn't understand how exhausting it all is for me, but I just couldn't hardly handle it at that moment. I took a deep breath and started the English class. (I'm teaching the assoc. directors English while we wait for me learn enough about what they do and for my language to catch up enough to be effective.) At another meeting about starting a preschool (which is not what I came here to do), I had no idea what they were discussing and this same guy kept looking over at me and asking if I had any ideas for "play groups" yet. I just smiled and said, "La mazel." Not yet.

Another day I spent an hour walking around town trying to find my counterpart's other office .. her directions were confusing. She would tell me to meet her at once place and when I got there, she was on the other side of town...when I finally arrived, she promptly led me up three flights of stairs, walked to her desk, sat down and immediately started sorting papers. I felt so awkwardly stupid. I just sat there watching her work. She was clearly too busy to talk, to busy to explain what she was doing or what this office did. At the same time, I didn't want to just get up and leave after looking for her for an hour. I wandered around, read the org. mission statements in French and discovered that the office (she being the only full-time employee) was an NGO working Agdz, promoting development work and projects such as carrying electricity to six villages in the area and providing support for all local assocations that needed it, etc. I was excited to discover there was actually an NGO and my eyes were opened even more.. every day there are new discoveries. I sat for a little while just dumbly watching her. A man came in and they looked through a stack of receipts, apparently making a financial report. Carefully I asked her a few questions, then realized they were talking about me and finally said I needed to go. "Elash!?" (why) she asked. I felt stupid staying, I felt stupid leaving. Bother.

On the other hand, during my high moments, I consider how much Arabic I can speak (and a little inevitable French).. an language I had never heard 3.5 months ago. I can get across most any point and have made my own rather extensive dictionary that I carry with me and write in whenever I learn a new word.. which is usually every few minutes. I have become close friends with three families and met many more. I walk around town and everywhere I go men and children (women on the streets are rare) call, "Raja!" (my name here). I've learned about and interacted with many organizations, I'm teaching English, I've attended a graduation for girls from a sewing program, met delegates, hiked Mt. Kisane, read lots and lots, and I'm already incubating lots of ideas from the people I've talked with here, such as organizing computer classes for girls who didn't finish school, and plotting a trash-clean-up day for Marchish. I've been in site for 3.5 weeks. The key, I think now, is not to keep pushing myself sooo hard to figure out everything and be fluent immediately. Peace Corps recommends a six-month period for all of that... I just sometimes feel that since I don't have a specific job I'm doing like Antoine, basketball teams, teaching English, etc. that I have to be much more responsible and productive with my time. Time is a beautiful thing. Lots of time...I have two years. Not two months here..

Soo... that is the latest here. In a few hours I'll be on my way to Skoura for a Christmas party with a few friends but mostly volunteers I haven't met yet. It definitely won't be a normal Christmas, but that is exactly what I asked for, moving to Morocco. Just being with other Americans who know what Christmas is and who speak my language.. that will help. In my heart, though, I will be home with my fam and calling all of my friends all over the U.S. to wish you all a MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!