Overwhelmed
I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed tonight. I'm exhausted, but can't sleep; excited, but also scared. I've spent the past five days soaking in the reality that I will be living on the other side of the globe in a few short weeks. I've read vast quantities of information on Morocco, from cookbooks, to cultural practices, history of colonization to presence (or lack thereof) of Christian (and churches). I got my invite packet in the mail from Peace Corp this morning with a 200 page welcome book, files, and guidelines on everything from goverment passports to filing taxes overseas, designating power-of-attorney, to the travel and "staging" timeline.
I will be flown go to D.C., Chicago, Miami or somewhere for staging on Sept. 10th (or preparation and briefing) with fellow Morocco volunteers, before we are flown out (on Sept. 13th) to Morocco.
I have spent a tremendous amount of time already developing lists and more lists. Questions for Peace Corp, lists of everything I own to loan to family members, a calendar outline of each week and what needs to happen, responsibilities a power-of-attorney would need to carry out for me in my absense, more questions for Peace Corp. Should I bring my laptop? Will there be electricity to run it? How sure can I be that I will have internet access? What type of shoes are appropriate in a culture where sandals are too casual/scandalous, dressing well is important, but the roads are dusty and the climate hot? The big one, after reading for hours today and discussing the adventure with Adam-from-next-door (he took me out this evening for a "celebratory drink" at the Blind Lemon) I'm beginning to wonder if I really CANNOT come back at all during the two years, three months. There is a two-page instruction sheet regarding presence and on-site requirements, a whole worksheet for whose approval I need for any departures from my home village, timeframes of when I can or cannot leave, how soon I have to notify them, etc. It's starting to feel like I'm back at Cedarville with all the requirements, sign-out, limits on travel, permission required, etc. Ahh!! From what I can gather I am offered a Saturday-Sunday leave once a month for travel, and that's it. That puts a whole new perspective on this adventure.
I've been assuming I could come back every 6-12 months for a vacation in the states to see family, come to weddings of close friends and/or siblings, etc. What if it is really true that when I say goodbye, I'm saying goodbye for over two years to everyone?? My niece will almost be in kindergarten when I return. I have three single sisters, and at least one or two are bound to get engaged, if not married, in my absence. That, above all else, is a most unbearable thought. I will definitely have to call PC in the morning to figure out what the reality is.
On the financial/business front, I'm trying to give all my worries to God, but it's hard. The complexity of wrapping up a bunch of current projects, and getting them all to pay, in turn paying my vendors before I leave, and handling finishing details are now actions that I have to accept will not be completed by my leave date. One of my reps just lost a project this morning that I was semi-counting on to lower my debt level further. On top of that, I found out that I still have to pay $2000 for the French class I took at UC (Univ. of Cincy). The questions keep coming.. how much will I still owe when I leave? What about Corporate filings, what about projects that won't be installed until November? Should I dissolved The Play Connection now, January, never?
Other tasks: I just ordered another pair of cute glasses.. expensive as I had several requirements for them including durability and transitioning tinting, as I will need them day-in, day-out for indoor and outdoor activities. Expensive little buggars. I ordered more contacts. I got yet another completion letter (required by PC) from the dentist and let their staff know about my exciting invitation. I had friends tour my apartment who might want to rent it, notified my neighbor/friend Adam as well, as he's had his eye on it from day one, and spent an hour at my landlord's house admiring their pet rat, talking about Morocco, and wondering who would rent 522 Corporation Alley when I leave.
I also did a site visit to a new school construction site, where a Play Mart playground is to be installed next Monday. Funny thing was, I'm used to working almost strictly with older males. When I popped my head in at the General Contractor trailer, I found another young lady, probably younger than I, on co-op at the site. We donned hardhats and headed out to the playground areas, dodging bobcats and mud. We conferenced with the Project Manager, yet another colleague under 25 and one other key contact. I was standing there thinking how funny it was that on my most complicated project, I was standing on the large construction site as one of three very young peers, in hardhats, discussing construction details as if there was nothing abnormal about it.
When I returned to my house from the site, I took a cat nap around 4:30 and woke up around 9pm. I think all this processing, planning and preparation is much more exhausting than would be expected. Now I can't sleep...guess I'll go back to bed and try again.
I will be flown go to D.C., Chicago, Miami or somewhere for staging on Sept. 10th (or preparation and briefing) with fellow Morocco volunteers, before we are flown out (on Sept. 13th) to Morocco.
I have spent a tremendous amount of time already developing lists and more lists. Questions for Peace Corp, lists of everything I own to loan to family members, a calendar outline of each week and what needs to happen, responsibilities a power-of-attorney would need to carry out for me in my absense, more questions for Peace Corp. Should I bring my laptop? Will there be electricity to run it? How sure can I be that I will have internet access? What type of shoes are appropriate in a culture where sandals are too casual/scandalous, dressing well is important, but the roads are dusty and the climate hot? The big one, after reading for hours today and discussing the adventure with Adam-from-next-door (he took me out this evening for a "celebratory drink" at the Blind Lemon) I'm beginning to wonder if I really CANNOT come back at all during the two years, three months. There is a two-page instruction sheet regarding presence and on-site requirements, a whole worksheet for whose approval I need for any departures from my home village, timeframes of when I can or cannot leave, how soon I have to notify them, etc. It's starting to feel like I'm back at Cedarville with all the requirements, sign-out, limits on travel, permission required, etc. Ahh!! From what I can gather I am offered a Saturday-Sunday leave once a month for travel, and that's it. That puts a whole new perspective on this adventure.
I've been assuming I could come back every 6-12 months for a vacation in the states to see family, come to weddings of close friends and/or siblings, etc. What if it is really true that when I say goodbye, I'm saying goodbye for over two years to everyone?? My niece will almost be in kindergarten when I return. I have three single sisters, and at least one or two are bound to get engaged, if not married, in my absence. That, above all else, is a most unbearable thought. I will definitely have to call PC in the morning to figure out what the reality is.
On the financial/business front, I'm trying to give all my worries to God, but it's hard. The complexity of wrapping up a bunch of current projects, and getting them all to pay, in turn paying my vendors before I leave, and handling finishing details are now actions that I have to accept will not be completed by my leave date. One of my reps just lost a project this morning that I was semi-counting on to lower my debt level further. On top of that, I found out that I still have to pay $2000 for the French class I took at UC (Univ. of Cincy). The questions keep coming.. how much will I still owe when I leave? What about Corporate filings, what about projects that won't be installed until November? Should I dissolved The Play Connection now, January, never?
Other tasks: I just ordered another pair of cute glasses.. expensive as I had several requirements for them including durability and transitioning tinting, as I will need them day-in, day-out for indoor and outdoor activities. Expensive little buggars. I ordered more contacts. I got yet another completion letter (required by PC) from the dentist and let their staff know about my exciting invitation. I had friends tour my apartment who might want to rent it, notified my neighbor/friend Adam as well, as he's had his eye on it from day one, and spent an hour at my landlord's house admiring their pet rat, talking about Morocco, and wondering who would rent 522 Corporation Alley when I leave.
I also did a site visit to a new school construction site, where a Play Mart playground is to be installed next Monday. Funny thing was, I'm used to working almost strictly with older males. When I popped my head in at the General Contractor trailer, I found another young lady, probably younger than I, on co-op at the site. We donned hardhats and headed out to the playground areas, dodging bobcats and mud. We conferenced with the Project Manager, yet another colleague under 25 and one other key contact. I was standing there thinking how funny it was that on my most complicated project, I was standing on the large construction site as one of three very young peers, in hardhats, discussing construction details as if there was nothing abnormal about it.
When I returned to my house from the site, I took a cat nap around 4:30 and woke up around 9pm. I think all this processing, planning and preparation is much more exhausting than would be expected. Now I can't sleep...guess I'll go back to bed and try again.
posted by Rachel Beach | 2:56 AM
2 Comments:
Rach,
your worries and fears are just what I think I would struggle with too-in your place. in fact, I think paperwork, and red tape, and rules, and money are part of what keeps me from doing brave things like you.
I am so proud of what you are doing,...and jealous, and in awe.
the details will come together. i will be praying for you and thinking about you lots as you try to figure it all out. keep posting-i like having this connection to your life.
love you,
ang
Rachel... wow. I will be praying for you as you take on this new adventure. I know the fears and concerns of going to unknown places and being away from home, and all I can say is it will be an experience of a lifetime and one that God can bless you tremendously through. Just trust Him! you will be in my prayers.
phil
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